@Phil From script to screen - Updated
I have taken your feedback into account and updated the story!
What if it begins with the astronaut (in current time) sitting on the ground and collecting said samples, then stops and takes out a pair of scissors he has as a necklace around his neck. He looks longingly at it, then we cut to a flashback of him cutting and styling a doll. His dad walks in and we can see the disappointment in his eyes. He jank the doll from the boys hands, and points from the boy to a poster of an astronaut, as if telling him that that is what he is supposed to become. Then he slams the door. The boy clutches his scissors and cry.
Match-cut to the astronaut wiping a tear while holding the same scissors, then tucking it away and continuing his task.
I think this could be done while not spending too much time, and would get the point across. I would like to avoid speech though, and believe hand gestures and facial expressions could be enough. What do you think?
I worry that the queue would hinder us from getting an emotional connection with the aliens, but this would make more sense with the time frame I have to tell the story. Maybe seeing the aliens interact with each other through the astronauts eyes would establish some character in them?
What if it begins with the astronaut (in current time) sitting on the ground and collecting said samples, then stops and takes out a pair of scissors he has as a necklace around his neck. He looks longingly at it, then we cut to a flashback of him cutting and styling a doll. His dad walks in and we can see the disappointment in his eyes. He jank the doll from the boys hands, and points from the boy to a poster of an astronaut, as if telling him that that is what he is supposed to become. Then he slams the door. The boy clutches his scissors and cry.
Match-cut to the astronaut wiping a tear while holding the same scissors, then tucking it away and continuing his task.
I think this could be done while not spending too much time, and would get the point across. I would like to avoid speech though, and believe hand gestures and facial expressions could be enough. What do you think?
I worry that the queue would hinder us from getting an emotional connection with the aliens, but this would make more sense with the time frame I have to tell the story. Maybe seeing the aliens interact with each other through the astronauts eyes would establish some character in them?
Hey Sandra - yep, I think your instincts are good here - though I wonder instead of him having this non-regulation pair of scissors with him, why not give him some kind of sample collecting gadget (a bit like a Swiss-army knife) that has a scissor function - so when he's collecting the sample (maybe having to cut something off at the root to bag it) we seem him focus on the scissoring action - and then that triggers the flashback - I think this would be quicker too? He can then use this functionality of the gadget in the remainder of the story?
SvarSlettRe. the queue - whatever gets the job done - but I do think you need to reveal the reality of the 'restaurant' in such a way as the audience experiences the 'shock' of it as experienced by the astronaut as he puts two and two together.
That sound like a good solution to it!
SvarSlett